Hide The Conversation

I have gotten myself into allot of trouble in the church in recent times. For stating my views and standing up for what I believe. I know that sometimes I do not do things in the best way and I fall short big time. Sad part apart and joyous part about ministry is that people are our lab.

I am yet to find someone in the church who will come speak to my face, except for 3. 3 people out of a congregation of 500. Why is it like that? Why do Christians not speak to each other in love, but rather we hide behind the pretences of Jesus?

I am learning new things throughout this experience. Like nipping things in the bud, listening to people, People who love you can hate you as quickly, people might not care for your feelings and people can twist anything you say but also that I am also wrong.

Now I don't want to assume myself a prophet because people have been often given themselves Godly titles and have been further from the titles but I can imagine what the prophets must have gone through in terms of being outcast and standing up for their view.

I am hurting at the moment, I am questioning my theology, but I have never been as passionate about God. My prayer is that I got don't get fired, or shoved out, or that this would effect my ordination.

I hate being owned like this, its not a game of grace but a game of power.

I Swore In Church and at God

Why is it that we can’t be honest with God? To sit in the raw emotions that we feel and be honest with God. Is it a sign of respect? Is it a sign of weakness? Does tradition dictate how we feel and respond to God?

Recently during a talk I swore and said where the ^$*! was God. In utter anger I swore at God. People have been outraged at this and have even questioned if I am a Christian.

Now granted the choice of words may not have been the best but it was honest. Isn't honesty what God calls us to? Is not being honest a sin? Well I came to the conclusion and think that if God cant handle my swear words then is God God? If grace cannot permeate my language, is it grace? Lastly what is more offensive to God a swearing honesty that even says they despise him or a lie of being dishonest that fake loves him? 

How should we teach

I love gifts. In fact it think its one of the things that make me feel special. Gifts don't have to be huge (although I would like a nice car :) but for me when you give a gift it must come from the heart. How do I know it’s from the heart? It reflects a piece of who the recipient is.

My family will testify to this. One Christmas my sister bought me soap. Now if you know me well enough you probably know that I haven't used soap for about 4 years now. And for those of you who are thinking “Doesn’t he smell” the short answer is no. But this is a whole new topic for some other day. Anyway needless to say I was very hurt and upset.

A couple of weeks I had a conversation with one of the guys in my Youth about the three big letter word called “SEX”. Cutting a long story short I basically said Sex/Marriage in the bible has a totally different context to our modern day world, Marriage doesn't always equal Godly sex and that if he wanted to have sex he should rather abstain but if he wasn't going to I would go but him condoms.

Also in a talk about the Holy Spirit I spoke openly and I swore at God in a teaching series. Just to show a. Honesty and b. Hope that God is bigger than my swearing.

Anyway so I got a present today and I am thankful for the present except one thing has got me trapped in a spin and is leading to some questions that I don’t have answers for. The present I found out from one of the people who chose it was an attempt to change my theology. So it wasn't a gift as much was a statement of judgement. It’s funny I know I shouldn't be upset but its got to me. That something that comes from love can be given in Judgement. Basically what was asked of me was to become fundamental. To fall in line.

So here are my questions…….

1. Am I being a plonker or do I have a right to be grieved?
2. Why cant people speak to your face but can make a million reasons why you are not approachable?
3. How do I as a labelled liberal thinker take people on this journey of thought?
4. Do we lie to young people for the sake of keeping them in line, knowing what we do now or do we express the truth even though its hard for people to grasp the concepts?

How I Feel

Today I am hurting.....Nothing more nothing less, Just sore

Blogging For The Soul

So I haven't blogged in awhile and I was thinking that I actually miss it. So I have decided to give it a shot again. This time I do it not for opinion or for understanding but just cause.

I just got to thinking where is my life now.....

Here some questions :

Is it ok to dislike the church?

Am I alone in this world?

What is the Gospel?

Who is Jesus?

And why do all of the above make me at this point in time so depressed with my life....

Its a conundrum of questions but I hope I might get some insight to them all.

Ciao

Who wins??

I wonder if God also sighs when she thinks of the joy and the release, we humans could experience if we would just learn to go out of our comfort zones and out of our thought patterns and out of our experiences and out our belief. 

I wont lie the past 2 weeks I have been trying to sift through allot of muck. The homosexual workshop has been put of Dcamp. Not by me but by the Youth Pastors of the various churches that attend. What I have been trying to understand is how much of the situation is people that are homophobic and how much of it is narrow sightedness.

I think my most hurtful comment was when someone said that if I cause one of there youth to stumble into homosexuality  (which was not the point of the discussion to prove it right or wrong but to listen to one person experience of Christ and their sexuality) I would have a millstone tied to my neck and thrown into the sea. NICE and VERY CHRISTIAN approach I think. I can only imagine the plight of the homosexual. Oh and just cause people are pro homosexuality doesn't make what they have to say any less truthful. apparently as well talking about homosexuality to teenagers will make them turn to homosexuality???? Just like talking about drugs will make teenagers druggies

So anyway at least I see people who are supporting me and trust me enough. To those who did thank you.... 

May we learn Jesus you always listened before you spoke. John 3:17

If We Refuse To Tell The Truth Is That A Lie??

When people look at the world they see certain imagery that makes their worlds become real. The hold on to the hope that what is Red is in fact Red and what makes their world come alive is in fact true and not something they perceive. Well at least that's what I think. Our world becomes this bubble. Once we look from the inside of the bubble our world has many shades and many dimensions that might not be a true reflection on reality but it could at best be our distorted view of reality.

What happens when our bubble pops. Do we look at the world and say this is not my bubble or do we embrace the new colours??? Do we embrace the bubble we find ourselves in?? The world is so much bigger, The colours are far brighter and the dimensions are far beyond what I can fathom in my little bubble.

Anyway so with this in mined......I have some questions!!!

Is God the bubble blower or is God the world and we blow the bubbles? Not sure if God gives us the perspectives of God or do we natural put it in to perspective?

Will I always see the gospel according to Justin and preach the gospel according to Justin.... My short answer is Yes but it leads to a Therefore........ I need to ask what is my perspective and what are the limitations of that?

How much of the truth and knowledge do we share about the bible with ppl??? Is the bible a bubble in itself? The bible is seen as this sacred object of God. In some ways it is seen as god and God is not seen as god.

And if we Refuse To Tell The Truth Is That A Lie?? If people ask us questions do we tell them what we know or do we shhhhh??

I don't know where I stand here...... I think the journey has begun

The Attack Of The Heart

My blog is my diary more than it is my platform to speak and share from. So I wont shy away from writing what I feel on it even if people I know read it.

I preached last weak Sunday and I really enjoyed the platform. I never talk for God but i talk about my experiences of a God who encounters me in love. Some people say that I am extreme and out of Gods will and scripture. My first response is always thanks Jesus and secondly I really think that they are so challenged by my point of views that rejection and attack is the first response.

With that in mind I gave my talk. I speak on what I believe. I spoke about the calling of Joshua and Jesus's calling to us from his basis of love. So I said how God calls male and female and that its not Christian to say leaders are men and then I said my pic of God is black and female.

Then I said when we look at anything Old Testament we have to draw it along side Jesus. Jesus's example was that He didn't come to die for us but rather he came to love us and the consequence was the cross. We should therefore love no matter what.I ended off praying female. So Mother God.....

Anyway lets just say people are quick to burn people on the stake. I have been nailed in so many aspects. One of my hardest things to face is to face unbalance. When people are upset with me and actually hate me. It throws my balance out.
On a lighter note Trevor Hudson has agreed to be my mentor for this year so I am very lucky.
Oh and this is a warning watch out for this man. He can speak many languages and teaches Hebrew. He challenges me not in scripture but to get my work ethic up. Plus I just wanted to show him that he can make it onto my blog if I chose.

Hebrew is Tav Chirek He Samach

Anyway so I started varsity, amd my brain is on a little edge. I have never worked this hard and i dont think twelve years of studying has prepared me. Granted in this month I have studied more than in school but regardless.

Anyway I am sitting in the lap of my calling and am just finding myself experiencing God in a new and profound way. I have never been a person where the bible has come alive but as I study its not the fact that i am reading it that is making it jump but rather the fact that I am struggling and finding it such challenging experience.

Here are some photos.

Enjoy

JT

The Female God

I have had to experience's in the last couple of days and has brought me back to the sacred picture of God. The more and more I see how people see God the more I realise how central that picture becomes to how we engage with God, People, Creation and ourselves.
Two experiences came from two Christians. Let me just say that the one is highly educated in theology and the other has read the bible about 20 times cover to cover. We got on to the picture of God. It amazes me how we claim to know God is non Gender and how we seem to find ourselves saying Him, King,Man etc. in our worship in our prayers in every aspect of our Christian life. I wouldn't be surprised if deep down we saw a picture of God that was majority male.

The one person said that his friend like in BEE has gone to the totally opposite of the previous system so that it might balance it out. He started saying Goddess and her, she in the way they approached God.
The other chose to not believe that God could be female as scripture told him so. So God was Father period and that God was male and that's what the bible said.
I find myself living in this world where God is a male. Let me just say as males I do not feel we have lived a life an even imposed a life that has been beneficial to society. I would at no time call myself a racist in fact that's the last thing I want to be but I would call myself prejudices against black people. I am scared to experience there humanity as a fear of being robbed(Even though the majority of black people will not do that). So my picture of God is a black female. I want my picture to challenge me to a more whole picture of God, humanity, creation and myself.

Why cant God be female. Imagine the world if we started to live a life that represented the female side of God. I wonder if we saw God as a stay at home Mom looking after her kids how things would change?

The Journey Down

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost

Tonight at church I found myself being shaken to my soul. For years I have been preaching the movement down and trying to get others to stop worshipping in self but worshipping in truth. I found myself in a bad mood cause I was turned down on the system and I was told to watch my pitch. Man I looked at the evening and I thought this would have been so much better if I had led this. I realised that I am jealous and I have broken command 10

The truth is if i step back I that i need to start the downward journey. I am a man still in pride and still being tempted to be spectacular and powerful when I be a man looking to move to contemplation, confession and reflection.

I just want to say sorry to God for making it about me and could you help me on this road less travelled, so that I might continue the downward journey

Namaste

The New Phrophets Of Our Time

Quote from the Movie I Am SamLucy: Daddy, did God made for you to be like this or was it an accident?

Sam: Ok, what do you mean?
Lucy: I mean you're different.
Sam: But what do you mean?
Lucy: You're not like other daddies.
Sam: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Lucy: It's ok, daddy. It's ok. Don't be sorry. I'm lucky. Nobody else's daddy ever comes to the park.
Sam: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, we are lucky. Aren't we lucky? Yeah!

I was in Durban recently and I was spending some time with my Aunt. We were walking through a shopping centre and we saw a young boy in a wheel chair that could hardly move. He was at a restaurant and was being fed by his Dad. He had a bib on and with his head slightly tilted was drooling all over the bib.

My Aunt asked the question "Justin why does God allow this to happen". My immediate Western thought was to try and define God but I held my thought and my answer shocked myself and might have not made my aunt the happiest person.

I said " Maybe God is using these young people to be the prophets of our time. Calling the world to the simple things, to love regardless of who we are, to lose our possessions because they are worthless, to call people back into community, to tell people that God is in control". That shook me to my core. These people are not religious, they cannot speak, they cannot move, they cannot fend for themselves but yet they are screaming Gods grace and Gods calling on me and the community I live in.I watched an episode of Oprah on Autism (Yes men do watch Oprah just like women do go to the toilet) and the guy on the program was saying that when his baby was born he thought that he was gonna teach it to love instead the child taught him to love more and in a deeper and unconditional love. Wow we have a lot to learn from these prophets.

The Church

“The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example”. Mark Twain

Tonight in Church I got to thinking about my past and the hurts that had been inflicted and have been on the side of dishing that pain out. What is it in me tonight that made me depressed. Let me just say that I hate the Church. I hate for what it stands for and the fact that it has sold a POP Jesus and has really sold itself for money and for the easy road......

God the church has hurt me and God I have hurt people. What is the answer for the church. Where do we stand and where do we go.... The church is FAILING!!!!!! Its failed to love and to be Gods voice in the dark.

Sorry God Sorry world sorry creation and sorry self.... I need to learn and need to hear and need to grow. God please teach and make me uncomfortable in my skin.... Give me opportunity to love and to be Jesus.